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Parents, Step-Parents, and Children, Oh My! Blended Families + Death = A Potential Nightmare

Anyone who’s seen an episode of “Modern Family” knows that families these days come in many different shapes and sizes. Long gone are the days when a “family” was defined as a mother, father and two children. In this article, we’ll focus on one of the types of families that’s common in our modern culture: the blended family.

The Unique Dynamics At Play in Blended Families

A blended family comes into being when parents divorce and at least one remarries. While everyone may get along effortlessly while the parent is alive, that could fade away when the parent dies. Why? Because the law still hasn’t caught up to our modern definition of family. The law often favors the spouse, which works well when the spouse and the deceased have children together. But when the deceased parent has children from another marriage, the children can be cut out of their inheritance. 

Other than the law being slow to catch up, there are a few more reasons why this happens:

  • The parent trusts the new spouse completely and can’t comprehend the spouse ever doing anything to harm the children;

  • The new spouse may place his or her own interest ahead of the children - or have children from a first marriage and want them to benefit instead; or

  • The parent has not been educated about what could happen when he or she dies.


A True (and Common) Story That Became a Nightmare

In a recent article, a woman wrote about her own nightmare scenario. Her father (we’ll call him “Dad”) owned several properties, including the house she lived in as a child. He remarried, and when his health started to decline, her stepmother (we’ll call her “Stepmom”) made financial moves so he could qualify for government health care benefits under the Medicaid program. Because Medicaid is a needs-based program, people can use legal maneuvers to set their assets aside so they qualify. Doing this keeps assets protected for the next generation(s).    


But, to qualify for Medicaid, Dad had to transfer his assets to someone else while he was alive. That someone else was Stepmom. She convinced Dad it was the right move and that she could be trusted with his properties. Dad eventually died, and at the time of his death, Stepmom owned all his properties, including the childhood home. Stepmom went on a selling spree, cashing in on them all. And the money went all to Stepmom and her daughter. Dad’s children from his first marriage got nothing.


Wait - Surely That’s Not Legal!

Although horrible, this is not illegal. Once Stepmom owned the properties, she was free to do anything she wanted with them. She chose, legally, to give her stepchildren none of the proceeds. The children had no recourse.

Is this the outcome Dad wanted? Could he have foreseen Stepmom cutting out his children? And did he know there was another way he could have protected them and still qualified for government benefits? With education from a trusted lawyer, would he have done anything differently?


How to Ensure Your Children Are Spared From the Potential Consequences

If you want to avoid the same tragic consequences, there are some steps you can take right away:

1. Don’t Be Afraid of the Inevitable: Death is certain, but it is uncomfortable to talk about, much less to plan for it. Accept death as a reality then make plans while you can.

2. Hold a Family Meeting: Having a conversation about your wishes, values, and goals can go a long way in preventing misunderstandings after you pass away. 

3. Educate Yourself: Hands down the single most important thing you can do is educate yourself. Don’t rely on the internet. Laws are different from State to State, families are different, assets are handled in different ways, and the internet can’t take all this into account. 

4. Work with a Lawyer Who Understands Your Family Dynamics: One size doesn't fit all when it comes to planning for life & death matters like these. What works for one family might not work for yours. Each family needs a tailored plan to fit their unique needs. A trusted attorney can appreciate your unique situation and educate you, so you’re empowered to put the right plan in place.


Your loved ones don’t have to face tragic circumstances when you pass. With honest conversations, proper education, and guidance from a trusted attorney, you can put together a plan that keeps the peace and makes sure your loved ones are taken care of just the way you want. 

To learn more about how we approach estate planning from the heart and yet with all the strategies you need to keep your assets in the family, schedule a complimentary 15-minute call with our office.



This article is a service of Rayboun Winegardner, PLLC, a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That's why we offer a Family Wealth Planning Session™, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Family Wealth Planning Session.


The content is sourced from Personal Family Lawyer® for use by Personal Family Lawyer® firms, a source believed to be providing accurate information. This material was created for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as ERISA, tax, legal, or investment advice. If you are seeking legal advice specific to your needs, such advice services must be obtained on your own separate from this educational material.




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